


anyone else but you

by honeeeylocust



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, College, F/M, Gen, M/M, Nvm its not a slow burn, Past physical abuse, Recreational Drug Use, Sadly They Arent Roomates, Slow Burn, Subways, past self harm, tags will grow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29535690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeeeylocust/pseuds/honeeeylocust
Summary: There’s a guy next to him.Well, he wasn’t there a few moments ago, because Evan distinctly remembers sitting in a spot that was free for at least like. Five other spaces. It’s the whole social anxiety thing.(Previously named 'brand new city'.)OR: Evan and Connor meet in a new city on a stinky subway. Chaos ensues.
Relationships: (past), Alana Beck & Connor Murphy, Connor Murphy & Cynthia Murphy, Connor Murphy & Larry Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy, Cynthia Murphy/Larry Murphy, Evan Hansen & Heidi Hansen, Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Miguel/Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 21





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> No TWs for this chapter

Evan is late.

Obviously, it’s just as prominent to him as it is to literally everyone around him. They can all tell, by the way he’s stumbling out of his apartment and the way he barely has his shoes all the way onto the heel of his foot. The suit he’s wearing is holding onto his sweaty arms for dear life, and he loosens himself up a little bit.

This is fine. He’ll be fine.

The next subway is coming around at about 10 in the morning, which barely matters, because he was supposed to be at his job at 9;30. The coffee he’s holding in his hand is running cold, so he gulps the rest of it down and throws it to the nearest local garbage can. No matter if it’s plastic or paper. Who cares?

God, he’s awful. Evan in highschool used to be so damn hyper aware of like.. The trees, and stuff. He still kind of is, but all those tree facts and funky little memories from science websites and quick google lookups don’t really make him look smart, anymore. They just make him look like a stupid tree hugger.

Which, he is, but. He likes to avoid people having bad opinions of him. Tries to control it as much as he can.

He nearly jumps straight head-first into the damn train, and trips over his feet falling into the nearest seat, huffing.

Jesus.

His hair is falling in messy curls over his eyes, and he realizes that he really, really needs a cut soon. It feels like everyone is staring at him as he huffs for air, propping one of his feet up on the empty seat next to him. He looks out the window, down to the city below, attempting to try to admire the sight. Just for a moment, before everything goes to hell.

There’s a guy next to him.

Well, he wasn’t there a few moments ago, because Evan distinctly remembers sitting in a spot that was free for at least like. Five other spaces. It’s the whole social anxiety thing.

This guy is just. Really handsome. Or pretty. Who knows, the point is, he’s very nice-looking. His hair is pushed behind his ear, and so is the other side. A half-bun, of some sort, more like a quarter-bun with how messy and unsettled it looks. His nose is bumpy and crooked. He smells strongly of the smell hot chocolate gives off when marshmallows melt against it, and something else, something weed-ish. 

Evan is staring. He’s staring, christ-

And then the guy is twisting himself to stare Evan in the eyes, eyes slanted over. They look almost feline-like, with the cat-eye eyeliner he’s got on.

And then he glares. “What?” … Where does he know this guy?

Highschool. He knows him from highschool. That boy in the lab, is it..

“D- Do I know you from somewhere?” Evan asks, because they’re in front of a bunch of people and he can actually hold up small talk with another living being these days. Not that he looks for them. The man only tilts his head, that glare turning into something different. 

“Yeah. Evan Hansen, right?”

Evan lets out a breath of air that he tries to pass off as a harsh chuckle. This is Connor. Connor Murphy, the boy in the lab, the brother of that girl he used to have a crush on, it’s all…

“I’m not insane. Well, not as much as I was in highschool, if that’s any comfort to you. So it’s like. Chill, or whatever.” Connor says, his voice warm and gruff. And Evan realizes that Connor is joking with him, trying to joke with him, at least, and Evan scoffs and rolls his eyes as sarcastically as he can. As like. Funny-ish as he can. “Yeah. Me too.”

  
  


And then it’s his stop. 

Evan picks up his bag and stands, waving his hand. “See you tomorrow, I guess?”   
  


Connor looks out the window. Messy bun and bumpy nose and sharp jaw and all, and Evan wonders how Connor wasn’t the Murphy sibling he had a crush on when he was seventeen. Because. Just. Christ. 

  
  


“Yeah. See you.” Connor makes this awkward salute motion and then cringes at himself. “That was nerdy.”   
  
Evan grins at him as he walks out.

“Yeah. It was.”   
  


And whether or not Evan smiles the entire time he’s at work is certainly nobodies business.

Certainly nobodies.

  
  
  
  
  



	2. one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan and Connor talk about queer culture as the night falls down on them on the subway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No TWs for this chapter.

When Connor woke up this morning, he certainly did not plan on taking the subway.

But his coworker (He often avoids calling her a friend, even though she’s pretty close to it. The only person around other than Alana. Alana really did start off driving him to the coffee shop, but she very quickly got sick of his constant sleeping in. ‘Connor, I am not your babysitter.’ Admittedly, that stung just a bit, but Alana had always been like that. Painfully honest.) Azzie had to hurry up and get to her shift since someone called in sick, and she had told him that there was a subway awhile from his apartment.

Connor hasn’t ever taken one.

Which, realistically, isn’t that surprising. Rich kid from the suburbs is practically an exact description of him. He’s never been in this position before, even though now he’s nineteen. He’s always had ‘his’ car, -that his father took away when Connor refused to go to the college that was set up for him-, or his Dad’s, or an acquaintance that quickly cleared away from him in fear. Always had something.

So now it’s a bit awkward. But he can get used to it, he’s sure. He’s in a big city now. He’s not a messed up gay kid that can’t keep it together anymore. He’s an adult now. 

  
  


An adult.

  
Jesus, he’s not ready yet.

  
  


The subway stinks. Piss and something else that’s probably not very sanitary. 

_ Connor, these people have lived here their entire lives,  _ he reminds himself, letting out a huff of air.  _ You have no right to look down at this subway as if lives and people and kids haven’t depended on it before. _

  
  


And his brain is right.

He sits at one of the seats, letting out a deep breath of air. He wonders how he really never used a subway before. Like. Seriously. Instead of depending on random people or his parents, this always could have been easier.

Or maybe he just didn’t want to quite let go of...

  
  


Whatever he’s trying to hang onto.

A few other people come in, quick to claim their seat, and Connor notices one person.

One guy.

Wait. One person. He shouldn’t like. Assume their gender or something. Ugh god the way that came out of his brain is so shitty frat bro sounding, lord-

Said person is just. Super handsome. He means jaw fucking breaking handsome. Their shoulders look stern and stretch out wide, and they kind of look like they are very aggressively holding their chin in place, almost nervously. And. Connor kind of has to redirect his sight downwards because he is staring, he is totally fucking staring and this person can most definitely tell.

  
  


And Connor is a total freak, just like he always has, because stupidly, dumbly, he sits next to them.

There’s a he/him stitch of some kind hanging off his bag.

Ah.

Connor looks down to his knees and pretends to be deep in thought, because he’s kind of lowkey (probably very high key) thirsting for this dude’s attention, not even knowing if he’s straight or not, on a damn train and fucking hell Connor is a total whore.

  
  


But. Like. Honestly, is any cishet guy socially connected enough to put his pronouns on his bag? Especially to work?

That thought kind of comforts him.

Connor glances up to him, and the dude is staring, staring at Connor, raising an eyebrow and then he glares, he glares like as stupid idiot because not even for a few moments can he try to correctly communicate his attraction to anyone. “What?” He spits out, and he doesn’t mean to make it sound so damn mean but it’s out of habit. This is what he did like. All the way to third grade to senior year is highschool. 

“D- Do I know you from somewhere?” The dude says, and Connor kind of tilts his head. Dark skin, even darker freckles spread all awkward across his face. A stutter.

That stutter.

It’s familiar.

The boy Connor basically harassed in the stupid computer lab.

It’s.

Oh.

“Yeah. Evan Hansen, right?” Connor tries to make it sound soft, maybe inviting, but Evan kind of chuckles and it’s clear that this is just. A completely different person from the one he met in highschool.

  
  
  


“I’m not insane. Well, not as much as I was in highschool, if that’s any comfort to you. So it’s like. Chill, or whatever.” Connor tries, attempting to sound all. LIke. Cool and awesome and nonchalant, maybe even joke-ish, but it comes out weird and everything he says is weird and he’s the stupidest human being on the planet.

  
  


But then Evan laughs.

Laughs like he means it.

And it’s just.

Wonderful.

And Connor is going to take the subway again, tonight, even though he doesn’t really need to.

  
  


______________________________________________________________________________

When Evan finally gets to work, he’s already being totally lectured out of his mind by his boss.

Which he truly shouldn’t be very mad about, since he’s an hour late. And he could have just been. Like. Way more careful with him sleeping in and his time and he could be fired, but his mind is still so hung up on Connor.

Jesus, had he always been that gorgeous? Did it not click that he was until Evan realized he wasn’t straight?

  
  


The day goes by like most of his days do, slow and tired and dragging along. He has.. A pretty boring job, to say the least. But it kept him an apartment and a home, so who was he to complain?

But the kind of, sort of fun times are the ones that are worth living for. He’ll go over to Jared’s and they’ll hoot and holler, warm body against another, and then they’ll be crying to each other by the end of the night. Sometimes a coworker gets close and that coworker becomes a friend, a genuine, close friend, and sometimes Evan likes to think that he has something. People. He has people. 

It’s a comforting thought, if anything.

Most of the time, Evan takes taxis at night. Mostly because of anxiety. 

Sometimes it’s just because. Sometimes it’s just because he likes how close he can get to the lights lined up on the street, how he can stick his hand out and feel the wind beat against his hand, coming out all soft and buzzy feeling after.

But most of the time, it’s just anxiety.

Which is stupid and.. Probably a little unrealistic. But. Mental illness.

This time, though, this night, Evan walks proudly into the subway and sits down, because like. He said ‘see you later’. 

And Connor said it back.

Maybe he’d gotten his hopes up. Maybe Connor doesn’t like him at all, maybe he read too much into it, maybe he’s gonna like die or something later by an axe murderer because it’s late at night and-

“Yo.” 

A voice.

Connor. 

He looks kind of weird. Smells much more strongly of caffeine and expresso, and weakly, Evan thinks of Connor working in a coffee shop.

“Hi.” EVan mumbles, shyly, and then he kind of lets out this little half laugh because.. “This is so weird. I can’t believe I’m flirting with someone I met on the subw- subway.”

Connor raises a cheeky eyebrow, and Evan realizes the mistake he’s made before Connor even opens his mouth.

He smiles, almost frog-like, ear to ear. Bastard. “Flirting? We’re flirting?”   
  


Evan is stumbling over his words like a total dumbass, and yes, Connor, he was under that damn impression. “Are we not?” Evan asks, simply. “I thought I was being kinda obvious with the whole ‘actually having a full conversation with someone on a subway’ thing, but if you n- need me to be more- more _clear_ , I gladly will.”

Jesus.

It’s like he’s a completely different person, where did the guts to say something like that even come from?

And then Evan realizes that he’s nineteen and like. It probably shouldn’t be this big of a deal for him.

But Connor’s hair kind of falls in front of his face, and he looks kind of blushy.

Pick-up master Evan Hansen is on a roll.

Connor snorts a little. “Yeah. Good point.”

  
  


“So like.. What’s your favorite disney movie?” Evan tries to start out, but Connor only tilts his head. Which is a habit Evan is noticing Connor has.

It is incredibly endearing.

  
  


“Fuck that. WHat’s your like.. History on your ao3?”   
  


Evan kind of gapes, because it takes him completely off guard. “Dude.. No. I’m taking that stuff to like. The grave. That’s between me and god.”

Evan is completely dead serious when he says this, but Connor bursts out into laughter, kind of interrupting others in their sleep. Someone tells him to shut the fuck up, and Connor cringes and cowars. “Sorry, sorry.”

Evan grimaces.

  
  


“So like. What queer middle school phase did you have?” Evan asks, because his was fnaf. He like. Still knows the entire damn history line to that stupid game. WHat was his obsession with it, anyway?

“Oh, totally nightcore and yanderedev, I’m pretty sure.”

And the night kind of just. Goes. Just like that. Asking eachother stupid questions, opening up with no real trouble, and EVan’s never really been so delicate and bare with someone he just met, not even Jared, but there’s.

Just this bit of him.

That already kind of trusts Connor.

  
  


And part of him hates that he didn’t chase after him, that day, in the lab.

But another part of him really, really likes all the giggling and squealing and jumping around he does when he gets home, kicking off his shoes and burying his face into a pillow.

  
  
This is so cheesy.  
  
  
  
  
So fucking cheesy.  
  
  
  
  
  
But god, does it feel good.  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls tell me what you think!!! I am shamelessly asking for validation!!! Comments and kudos are super duper appreciated >333


	3. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where I’m fr- from, we give Have A Good Afternoon kisses after afternoon dates.” Evan says, lighthearted and giggly, not giving himself time to overthink it. Connor turns to him, face flushing all the way up to his ears, and Evan feels kinda cheeky because he did that, he made Connor blush like that.
> 
> OR: Coffee date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a lil note-
> 
> Often, i have a hard time checking though my chapters to word check it cause i get lazy, so i put thes little things : '--' where curse words are supposed to go. Its like a game i play with my own brain to make sure i check my work. So if you see that, thats why!!!!
> 
> Anyways, enjoy todays chapter. Tomorrow is gonna be choo choo angst train, so enjoy the fluff while it lasts!!!!
> 
> I take it back. This isnt going to be a slow burn hsshhahs

When Connor wakes up the next morning, he feels something flip and twist and turn in his chest- and he feels softer than ever.

So, so soft.

Stupidly, Connor checks his phone, and just. Stares at Evan’s name typed into it. 

  
  


They’ve been playing this little game for quite awhile, now. Almost a week. Meeting up at the subway, knees pressed together, mumbling little jokes and pokes at each other.

It feels like he knows what to look forward to, in the morning. Somedays, when he’s feeling particularly shitty, he thinks of Evan’s dark skin and his freckles and his kind-of, sort-of mustache.

Connor’s never really had to shave. Everything about him has always been.. Fragile. Girl-like.

That’s stupid. Also sexist. He knows plenty of women that aren’t ‘fragile’. He needs to get out of that mindset. There’s nothing wrong with not being bulky and strong. It doesn’t make him any less of a dude.

Anyways- the point is, when Connor’s phone makes a little ‘ding!’ sound confirming he’s got a message, he practically jumps at it.

**Evan** :  _ There’s a coffee shop a little bit from my apartment. _

**Evan** :  _ Wanna go check it out? _

Connor considers what ‘check it out’ even fucking means for a moment. Also takes into appreciation that Evan’s writing over text is literally perfect. Periods and commas and all. 

Flawless.

He almost thinks that it’s a lot like Evan, for a moment- flawless, but it’s probably bad to put him up on a pedestal like that, so Connor brushes the thought aside. 

‘Check it out’ means like. A date? Right?   
  


EVan has always kind of beaten around the bush when he’s talking about something, expecting Connor to just kind of. Figure it out. Not wanting to confront the idea himself. And if that’s what Evan does, Connor thinks he’s okay with it. He’s always been pretty good with confronting ideas. 

His bleary eyes come into focus, and he tries his best to formulate a response.

  
  
  


**Connor** :  _ You mean check it out like a date. Right _

  
  


**Connor** :  _ Because if so, im totally down _

  
  


Connor pauses for a moment, feeling blushy and stupid, and jesus, nobody has ever made him felt like this before. Miguel got close, but it ended too quick for Connor to start feeling like this. 

Is this what crushes are supposed to feel like? Is it appropriate for Connor to even call Evan a crush? They aren’t boyfriends yet, right?   
  


A love interest?

  
  


Connor mentally cringes at that wording, because ew, fuck no. 

  
  


He looks at the phone.

  
  
  


Grabs it.

  
  
  


Types what he wants to say out.

  
  
  


**Connor:** _ Because i like you _

  
  
  


Connor throws the phone across the room as hard as he can because he’s so nervous and so weird and why does he feel like this, why does he feel like this?   
  


Ugh god.

This is gross.

And then he remembers he just threw his phone across the room like a total nutcase and he’s stupid, so, so stupid, because drats and curses, he’s supposed to be the kept together one in this whole flirty friendship they’ve got going on.

Connor picks his phone up.

Luckily, it has a screen protector on it.

  
  


**Evan:** _ I like you too :0 _

Ugh. Connor hates how that like. Gasp face makes him want to squeal.

**Evan:** _ You’re one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met. _

**Evan** :  _ And I like that about you. You’re real. _

**Evan** :  _ Sorry if that was cheesy. _

**Evan** :  _ Ignore me. _

  
  


Connor like. Actually blushes this time. Evan is probably just picking stupid pick up lines from every other guy(or girl) he’s used this on, but Connor is dumb and stupid and he reminds himself to not be such a fucking idiot.

_ Be careful, _ his brain tells him.  _ You’ll do something stupid like believe.  _

  
  


But Connor can’t help it.

It’s always been like this. Falling fast and hard, with no real meaning to.

  
  


**Connor:** _ It is kind of cheesy _

  
  


Connor lets out a breath.

  
  


**Connor:** _ But i like it. how does 12 sound? _

  
  


And Connor sighs because. Like. 

Even though this is a very cheesy, very stupid feeling, he thinks he really likes it.

He thinks he really,  _ really _ likes it.

  
  


______________________________________________________________________________

  
  


The coffee shop is nice.

Connor gets a hot coco (Because caffeine in general, Connor tells him, even though he literally works in a coffee shop, makes him all jittery and uncomfortable.) Evan gets a caramel iced coffee, and dunks it down his throat, because this is like. Second therapy for him.

“What do you hate most about yourself?” Connor asks, and that really throws Evan off, and he chokes on his drink.

Connor is.. Really, super-duper passionate, Evan notices. When he talks about his friends or things he likes, he gets all loud and expressive with his eyes and his hands. Brushes his hair behind his ear and croons about whatever comes out of his mouth. It feels like Connor isn’t used to being listened to. He has a way with words, Evan realizes. He’s kind of wiggling around in his seat, almost impatiently, like he just wants to know everything there is to know about Evan, which is…

Really cute.

  
  
  


“Sorry, fuck, ” Connor mumbles when Evan only raises a slightly bewildered eyebrow, and no, Connor has nothing to be sorry about. “I get all weird and invasive when I like people.”

EVan only shakes his head, and grins a little. That’s. Evan likes that. “No, it- it’s okay. I really don’t mind. It’s nice that you can just.. Ask straight up questions like that. It’s honest.”   
  


Connor smiles a little at the compliment, boy-ish and warm, taking a sip of his hot coco. 

“Y- You're not scaring me away.” Evan reassures, because most of the time overly intrusive people freak him out, but the way Connor does it seems like it’s coming from genuine interest. “Uhm.. Probably like. Everything, dude.” He’s trying to pass it as a joke, but it sounds much more serious when it exits his mouth.

  
  


Connor doesn’t really seem surprised by this answer. 

  
  
  


“What’s your favorite fan fic trope?” Evan asks, because Connor seems to like those. He told hi one night (he thinks it was thursday) that he hasn’t read a published book since he was like. Ten.

Which is fair. Published books aren’t ever really all that good.

“... Found family.”   
  
Evan snorts, eyes going a little flighty. “Jesus, that of all things? Get in the car, we’re going to therapy.” EVan jokes, but then Connor goes, “My appointment is literally tomorrow,” And then they’re laughing and laughing and giggling and then shushing each other, because they’re starting to get rude(some curious) stares. 

  
  


Connor is an art major. Evan isn’t really surprised by that- Connor’s passion can be seen from like. A mile away. What does surprise him is why Connor is an art major and what type he is.

“I’ve always wanted to be a teacher,” Connor tells him, this far away, nostalgic look in his eyes. “I feel like if I had a teacher like me in middle school.. I would have felt understood. And I want to be that. For like. Any kid that needs it.”

And then Connor is going on and on about how schools never let kids express themselves, and how things like queer clubs and queer studies should exist in middle and elementary schools, because even children should be allowed to explore their identities. Being taught that a different sexuality isn’t ‘safe’ for you to be exposed to as a questioning child is.. Traumatizing. At least, with the way Connor says it, it sounds like it is. 

Evan never really dealt with strong homophobia or being sheltered when he was younger. It was always _ when you get a partner _ , and it slowly turned to  _ when you get a boyfriend or girlfriend.  _

Evan really hates that Connor ever had to deal with that. 

Because Connor is so easily empathetic, and he actually, seriously cares about things like this, while Evan never really gives it a second thought. 

Evan does care. He really does, a lot of the time, but sometimes he just.. Shuts off how he’s feeling about it and suddenly it doesn’t matter to him anymore.

Fuck that’s awful.

  
  


Evan is awful.

  
  


But then his attention is elsewhere to thinking about how he needs to get to his studies soon.

“We should get you home,” Evan says, picking up his coffee and taking Connor’s hand in his. 

It’s a pretty hand. 

Evan pays, despite Connor’s continuous demands to pay for his own drink.

Connor also says something about how it would make more sense for Connor to be escorting Evan home, because now Evan will have to take two trips instead of one, but Evan goes  ‘ _ I’m _ _ the one that brought  _ _ you _ _ on the date, so I’m escorting you,’ _ and that shuts Connor up real quick.

  
  


When Evan is standing in front of Connor’s apartment complex, he waves him goodbye.

But then he feels like he needs to do something.

And he needs to say it, say it quickly, or else he might miss his chance. 

“Where I’m fr- from, we give Have A Good Afternoon kisses after afternoon dates.” Evan says, lighthearted and giggly, not giving himself time to overthink it. Connor turns to him, face flushing all the way up to his ears, and Evan feels kinda cheeky because  _ he _ did that, he made Connor blush like that.

“Oh really? Where I’m from, that happens to be the case, too.” Connor comes back down the stairs that lead to his door. 

Obviously it would be the case, because they’re from the same damn town. Evan rolls his eyes playfully.

Connor is in front of him now.

Evan holds his face in his hands and brings him in.

And then they  _ are _ kissing, and Evan really can’t help but tilt the others head back a little, and it’s wonderful and warm and he holds Connor’s waist , deciding that he never wants to let go. Connor is sighing, completely melting against him, and just. Fuck.

Fuck.

Connor parts first, walking backwards up the stairs, smiling and giggling and snickering.    
  
Evan’s never felt so warm before.

Fuck, he's never felt so.. Completely infatuated like this before. 

There was Zoe, in highschool, but he didn't know her. He knows Connor.

And just.

Wow.

Jesus fuck, wow.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy!!! Kudos and comments r appreciated!!!


End file.
